Before, whenever I felt bad, I used to write. I used to express my feelings, not knowing that was what made me feel better. Recently, I noticed that since I stopped doing it, it was way much harder to deal with them. So, tonight I felt need to express them in hope they will make me aware of situation I’ve been dealing with.
It is a weird feeling, sometimes I walk around the house with all that thoughts on my mind that make perfect sense together, but the moment I sit down to write them, they disappear, either don’t make sense anymore. But during periods when I feel down, even if I don’t really have something to tell, it will just come, the same moment I start typing, it will come, word by word. Maybe that’s the reason why I usually don’t remember my posts until i reread them. Even now, I couldn’t fall asleep, and my new post is yet to come. While we are young, usually the only thing that can break us down is love (thank God). When I say “Thank God” it is because it is bearable. If you are religious type, you will understand that God will not give you more that you can handle, or if you not- in your life path you will not have barriers that you won’t be able to avoid, no matter how hard it may seem in the moment. I have double opinions when it comes to marriage and dating. Indeed, it seem to be so easy before when your parents find you a husband/wife, and you don’t even have to think about being heart-broken. But then, you will, also, never be able to spend your lifetime with someone who is destined for you. I adore my mother bravery when she choose to run from arranged marriage same night when they came to ask for her hand. She chose to run with my father, maybe risking her whole life happiness for temporary moment of joy. Then I knew how she thought when she explained to me “Maybe I would love my husband, maybe I would be happy with him, but I knew that I met your father for reason. And I fell madly in love with him, in short time. No matter how happy would I be with my husband, when I would always hate myself for leaving him behind. And it’s been hard, we had so many hard moments, but i never regretted. And I would chose him over and over again.” When she was in my age she already had a 2-year old son (my brother), and I am still sitting here and thinking why some things happen, and what is the reason behind? Sometimes, even I would like to just drop of everything and ask them to find me a husband.
But, seriously, dating in this century became way much harder then before. When I am listening to their stories I wish I was born in period before, when everything seemed to be so easier. Now, dating in so tiring, feeling like princess from that movie where she had to kiss so much frogs until she found her prince. Feels so hard to find a perfect person, where u feel so nice, comfortable, full, loved, respected and appreciated, and then just boom! Betrayed, maybe cheated, heart-broken, insecure, and again- going through the healing process, and starting all over again. Dating so many frogs until you find that one that gives you feeling that it may be your prince. How many times before people actually give up on love? How many times Carry and Big gave up on love before they actually get married? Whole 10 years, so many people in between, marriages with other people and then finally finished that story together. But the truth is, real ending of SATC is not the one that we saw, in real prescript they were not supposed to be together, but they didn’t wanted to kill other people (watchers) fantasies about true love that survives no matter what! It doesn’t. If you look at it from your perspective, they gave so much hard-times to each other. She wanted movie love, that no one had, and he wanted to be a man, you know, he didn’t wanted to commit. After so many tries to make him the one for her, she finally gives up on him, when she get engaged with Aiden. The moral of the story, for you, my dear girls- never give up on love, maybe it is hard sometimes, but respect yourself and seek respect. Even if it hurts, remember that is a lesson, something less that you will look for in your prince. And for you, my dear boys, while you’re boys, everything is allowed, but when you finally find your princess, make her never kiss another frog, and men up! Intentionally hurting her will eventually make her go away.
In this crazy world we are all destined for someone, and it is blessing to have someone holding your hand even when everything else is falling apart. Don’t waste your time on stupid theories, go for what your meant to.